I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
