It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
