So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
