Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
