if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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