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i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Randomize
