Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
