And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
