Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
