first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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