i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
