u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
