So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
