I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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