Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
