I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
