porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
