I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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