did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
