After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
