The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
