dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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