He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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