there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
