Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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