last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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