So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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