Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
