i barfeds in our rink
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
