the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My bed smells like the plague
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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