you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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