Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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