he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
