He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
