Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
