then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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