addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
