My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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