Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
