I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
