I want to walk on stilts...naked
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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