whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
