Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
