Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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