i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
