I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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