toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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