she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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