All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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