8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
