How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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