Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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