Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was born a porn star she said
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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