dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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