Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
