Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
