Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
A+ Viking dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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