I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize