Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
