im about as happy as oj after his trial
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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