I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
