Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want to be your penis for a week.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
