You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
