i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
