we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
