Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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