I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
