she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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