Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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