My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
