I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
